We share with you what our experiential facilitators do to start a team on the journey to hitting the numbers through building trust
One of our executive coaching clients, a regional MD in an MNC, was asking how to build trust this week. He will be implementing these steps and, we thought we could share a first practical step you can take too.
Damian Smith our Founder & CEO shares...
“Trust is built through vulnerability, yet vulnerability without barriers is creepy – and dangerous. You need to be a little bit vulnerable to build a little bit of trust. Then you can be a little bit more vulnerable to create a little more trust, which creates this beautiful, virtuous circle.”
Now this may sound a bit fluffy (scary?) and yet
Damian Continues….
“When I first went through this process, I was super defensive, cynical and over all this fluffy sh#t – I was a totally aggressive ar$e, Mr Toxic masculinity. I would have taken a lot to be won over.
Long story short, I could not believe how quickly it is possible to build trust; I was totally blown away. I remember going for lunch and thinking – I feel great and comfortable telling these people things I’ve never told anybody.”
Global Leadership Program at Stockholm School of Economics - Executive Education
“I was on a Global Leadership Development Program for Sony with Stockholm School of Economics Executive Education, and the coaches started us off gradually.”
What not to do!
a) You can’t just tell people to trust or tell them they should feel safe. Even if you have evidence – you are talking to the wrong part of the brain, the rational frontal cortex, whereas most decisions, such as opening up and being vulnerable, are made in the limbic brain – the emotional brain that has no language ability. You are shouting into a void.
b) You can’t just jump into the deep end, or you cross the creepy line and create defensiveness, the opposite of our objective.
Step by step guide from the pro's!
So Damian’s experience was with professional facilitators like us, we have thousands of hours of experience, delivering over 500 workshops. And you can do this with your team now on your own, as a gentle start on the journey of building trust.
1 - Design
In your next team meeting (note the comment on time later), explain that you would like to do an exercise you read about to help us to build more trust. It’s a bit different but totally safe.
Invite everyone to agree that what is said in the “room” (all of this works fine on Zoom) stays in the room.
2 - Explain
Explain that we will go around the room. One at a time, people can step in when they are ready – and answer these three questions.
- Where did you grow up?
- How many siblings, and where in the order did you come?
- What was one major challenge from your childhood?
Now, this is really important – Stress that people should only share what they are comfortable sharing and that we are NOT looking for your deepest darkest secrets.
Explain with lightness.
3 - Go first and set an example
You as the leader go first and “model” (set an example) by being a little more vulnerable than you could be, but only a little.
And then invite the next volunteer – and wait in silence.
Make sure that there is a small gap between them and slow the process down while acknowledging each person when they finish by saying “thank you”.
4 - Debrief
When they have finished acknowledging the courage it takes even to share what they did and have a small debrief.
What did you notice?
What did it feel like to speak up?
What was the impact of hearing others?
You as the leader – should find yourself talking less and listening more. We call it fading.
Each time someone speaks up, say “thank you”.
And then crack on with the meeting…..
If you have a team of 12 or fewer this could take 30 – 45 minutes, depending on the level of sharing.
Off you go – let us know at [email protected] how it went –
